Her complexion had changed from a rugged stone map to a dark smooth earthen glow like the sea had finally completed its mission on a pebble beneath the fluorescent hospital bulb. I turned off my cellphone and chanted with Jim and Susie who were there side by side and the three of us, palms in prayer, chanted the daimoku of the Lotus Sutra. I looked to her face that no longer had the constantly beaming smile but had some uncommon calmness, some new comfort I’ve never really known or seen. Her chest and breath rose quickly, not sporadically, her lips would flutter. Susie said her noises of a reassuring groan were her chant and prayer. As the minutes ticked by I realized it to be true.
After the three of us did gongyo Jim and Susie left to share the daimoku to others as Miss Jackson always did.
I was alone with her for about 20 minutes. I chanted mostly. I could sense a black peace. There was no fear. There was no suffering. I was honored to be there. The sense of our different lives coming together in the quiet murmur of a hot hospital room on a cold February night with my chant and her breath focused me on our universal beating heart. Fifty years separated us, as did continents, countries, and cultures. The differences mean nothing. As the Gosho says, “it’s the heart that matters most”.
I recounted to Miss Jackson my recollections of her powerful smile that made all at ease and her wise silence. I remember her support, her scrapbooks, her delicately sewn pouches for prayer beads, and her leading the community of believers in origami instruction. I told her “I will never forget you Miss Jackson.” Her brows quivered and for the first time there was a quick pain on her face while she moaned. I realized she was completely there. I felt bad for changing the calmness but now realize it was her acknowledging my confusion and being humble for her powerful life effect. The causes have been done.
Before I left I turned on my cellphone and got Sensei’s guidance to read to her. It had been a while since I shed tears.
It read:
Buddhism teaches that life at each moment embraces all phenomena. This is the doctrine of a life-moment possessing 3,000 realms, which is the Lotus Sutra's ultimate teaching and Buddhism's essence. Because of the profound way our lives interact with people around us, it is vital that we reach out to others, that we be engaged with our environment and with our local community. A self-absorbed practice or theory without action is definitely not Buddhism.
Thank you Miss Jackson. I will never forget you. You have led me to be better…….and smile.
